My 2007 Resolution

To sum up 2007 major events for me & people around me:

- I moved to bibalex even though i never thought I would, even in my interview I acted like I'm not interested.
- one of my ex-coworkers passed away (ra7emaho Allah)
- one of ex-coworkers received God's greatest gift..an offspring
strange how one life has ended & another has started.
- I lost one of my used to be best friends
- I gained the friendship of new kind people
(again the loss & the gain)
- I've been to USA, first time to feel fully independent.
- Currently I'm missing that freedom feeling.
- I started my master's..pray for me, it's getting tougher.
- Somehow I lost a part of me in eSpace & till now there's no gain.
I miss my days there actually, sometimes u can find me yearning to my old team.
- I started watching Prison Break :), i'm a big fan lol.
- Finally Harry Potter came to an end, didn't like the last book.

most important readings:
- The Kite Runner
- Oscar Wild Poems
- Awaken the giant within

Sub7an mo3'Ayer el 7al.... dawam el 7al men al mo7al
I wonder what my next year resolution 'd be, or may b i won't live to write it..who knows?!

I pray that by next year I'd b closer to God & full of hope & ambition.

Being Patient Vs Taking Action

Patience to me is when you keep tolerating a situation having a strong faith that something better is coming, these days I see it as weakness more than being righteous. It is a feeling of a built self-humiliation. People think that since you are patient that means you are too weak to stand for yourself, or may be cos you don't have a way out, you got no other option than Patience..back to that word I'm starting to hate so much.

Sometimes you can tolerate situations that break your soul bit by bit each day till you feel it will eat you alive, that's when you realize taking action is mandatory.

I don't want to be patient anymore, I want to build some courage to take some big steps. I don't think that anyone would believe that taking action questions my faith or anything. The star question now is when & how "big question mark".

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A Prayer

Today I'm mourning a very good person I met in this life, an ex-coworker & a friend.
Please whoever read this please pray for Ahmed Abd el Aal, pray that God forgives him & that God bestows patience upon his family
I remember how great a person he was, I remember the little things, I remember how he used to cheer me up by playing games of minesweeper, I remember how he used to let me win............I remember a lot of things & I won't forget a lot of times he's been there for me.
Pray for a good person who left this sad life for a better one isA.
اللهم اسكنه فسيح جناتك
انا لله و انا اليه راجعون

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And I Cook!!

Yesss, I cooked people. I made my very own first French Toast..all me. And to my amazement it tasted really delicious!!
I wasa afraid it might taste all eggy, but it didn't. I even added some cinammon & ate it with jam..yummy!
So all those who said I'll never learn how to cook, this is a hit to ur face :P
I'm over now asking people to make me breakfast, i'm all grown up :D

Borders

Borders is the name of the store i liked so much, it's easy to guess what that store sells actually. Nope, not clothes nor perfume nor make-up :P
Borders sells books :), I spent a lot of my mornings in California in that store voyaging through book shelves.

Yeah sure I checked the IT book sections & found all Agile & Ruby on Rails books. I spent a lot of time even at the children book sections. I miss that store.

I think if anyone thought of a perfect gift to present to me that'd b a book.
Actually it's like a family tradition in my family, whenever u love someone u should share ur books with him. My uncle gave me a very rare edition for Tom Sawyer as a present, now that was a real nice gift. I think I might give it back to Teeta, may b when she grows up & stop making stories about Dumbo the elephant :).

How USA changed me?

I should be writing a lot of blog entries related to my visit to California. The greatest thing that I really noticed & liked is that the people are non Judgmental. Being raised in a judgmental society makes it hard for me to change that trait.

So from now on I won't judge people. I won't comment on how people talk or walk or even their beliefs. That's how USA changed me.

The Insatiable ME

It's true, I admit it. I'm insatiable no doubt now. Nothing in this life seems to make me happy. I should really start looking for a good answer for my most important question: "what makes Sahar happy?".
Tough one, seems I've been going in circles for a long while. I wish life would b simpler.
Ramadan is coming that should make me happy, I can't wait for this great month to start may b I'll find my answer being closer to God.
"اللهم بلغنا رمضان"

I need a Hero with a shinning GWT servlet

Recently I've been indulging myself in GWT (Google Web Toolkit) , the beauty of GWT is that it translates java into pure jscripts & HTML, actually the output is one gwt.js :) & read this twice:
you can actually debug the jscript code including the AJAX ones. Do I need to say more?!, OK, here's more: the common js typos errors are caught at compile time not at run time :)

Now moving to the painful part, you need to use interfaces for the RPC calls (it's a term often used with GWT instead of saying server calls). The RPC interface resides in ur client package & should be implemented in the server one. All your widgets are created dynamically.

I still can't connect to SQL database-that's y I need a hero with a shinning connection servlet- but when I get there i'd finalize my login controller may be start a searching page for some table with AJAX filtering no doubt :). I am enjoying AJAX with Java. That's a sentence I never thought I'd use :D

Check it out:
GWT Overview

Facebook

To develop using facebook platform use:
http://developers.facebook.com/

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Microsoft SharePoint

Have you heard of share point? You must have by now. Anyhow let me introduce you to it:

SharePoint belongs to Office it's a web portal easily customizable for your needs. The roles management is very powerful, the financial manager views a different view of the portal than the HR manager for example, which offers a great administration.

The database design is a bit limited.I am trying to use sharepoint in the BA intranet but I think the features of the sharepoint is too much for what I have in mind.

The new ASP.NET web parts is a great new feature in 2.0, you can control roles using it as well. It offers draggable sections and personalized home pages.

For more info read this:

Microsoft SharePoint

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The Has Been Star

What is wrong with that?!

They wondered on my behalf

They haven't met you nor heard of the past away scar

The wonder should follow the long awaited glare

What was meant to be a breakthrough

Turned out to be a hopeless act to grasp the lost flare

What was so good turned out rotten & stale

When you lose your values, you should prepare yourself for pain

The thing is you are no longer there

Now you are like the shadow that follows the has been star

The shadow will never be a star & for the star to retwinkle is vain.

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My Genuine Smile :) try to capture it

It is very rare to show my genuine smile, if u r lucky u might get to see it once in ur lifetime. My phony smile is always ready to show up.

But recently I did smile genuinely when i got my US visa. It's not cos it's an achievement or anything, it's simply cos everyone said I wouldn't get it, so i smiled cos i defied them all :)



I was actually planning to go visit Paris, it is been a dream for a while. But now I'll be heading to California isA getting to be more independent. It feels good that I'm achieving some of my small dreams, small steps towards my bigger ones isA.

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My Privacy..Once more

Once more, my privacy is under attack. People just don't get the idea of needing some privacy, specially in such a community. Seems it's either share it all or appear like a lonesome person. I respect people's privacy, I never ask questions I feel it's too private, but people just love to nose around my stuff.

When will it end I wonder?. It seems I developed an attitude towards people. I simply don't rely on anyone or ask for help. So far I'm good, I just wish people would understand. From now on, It's a one girl's show, so people back off, I faced enough from your end.

My New Dictionary

I think I was unaware of the power of words. I'm starting a new Dictionary for all the negative words I used to use, doing so will break my pattern. I'm replacing all my negative wording into better ones. If anyone has a better word instead of the ones I'm using please share:

sad	Under the weather
angry	peeved
misjusticed	anticipating
not pretty	unsassy
rejected	underappreciated
lonely	temporarily on my own & available
disappointed	cranky
stressed	getting to be important
hurt	a tad underwhelmed

So if any of you catch me still using my old words, please point it out to me. I hope all of you can try it as well.

In 6 months

"If everything goes well, I'll see u in 6 months..1st of June..empire state building..floor 102, don't forget to take the elevator"
"but if something went wrong.."
"stop, I'm not listening to that kind of talk"

It's those lines from the movie "An affair to remember"..I wish I were living back then .The amazing Cary Grant with his gently type of talk, he's very suave.

Funny thing, that movie first caught my attention when I saw "Sleepless in Seattle" when Tom Hanks was teasing a girl cos she got so hooked up on that movie. I too went in tears at that last scene just like the girl in Hank's movie.
Oh please take me back to that great time.

Lever Found!!

"Give me a lever long enough & a prop strong enough. I can single-handedly move the world", Archimedes

"The greatest leverage u can create for urself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside. Knowing that u have failed to live up to ur own standards for ur life is the ultimate pain"

Love..Under Circumstances

I believe that a love feeling can be born under the right circumstances with someone you never even thought you'd fall for. All I'm saying here is that sometimes you pass by someone without even noticing him then under a certain circumstance like joining the same book club for example or even coming to rescue you from a hideous danger, then voila it happens.

I don't believe in love at first sight but I believe that life conspires and creates certain situations for you to encounter your right circumstance ;)

My Giant within (Cont'd)

A belief is an emotion based on many references whether it's a TV AD or a friend's opinion or a personal experiences ending to things we've imagined vividly.

So a belief is a "feeling" which lead us to the conclusion: you can easily change it, but there's a tricky thing as well, when you believe something, we no longer question it anymore. If we scrutinize many beliefs we have, we'll find that we unconsciously believed for years what was based on a false set of presuppositions.

A very good example I read in that book:
The "QWERTY" is a set of letters on your keyboard. It spells the very first row of letters on your keyboard. Have you asked yourself, y that keyboard standard is so globally known?. Most people never questioned that set up cos they have been told that this setting is the best in order to speed your typing.

I'll tell you why. It's something I found funny:
The "QWERTY" is actually about the most inefficient configuration!!!!. It was deliberately designed to slow down the human typist, simply cos at that time the typewriter parts moved so slowly in order to prevent jamming if you typed too fast.... lol
The "QWERTY" is been used for 120 years now.

Can you see? how we can, falsely, be holding to the wrong belief for so long, simply cos we took a surrounding reference as our sole guide & we never question or validate that reference.

"All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs"

My Belief Reference :) : "Awaken the Giant Within", Anthony Robbins.

Ready or not?!

Am I ready for tying the knot? Am I ready for a commitment?. I am sorry I am not. Someone actually told me to my face that I have a fear of commitment. May be it's true.

But I know I am ready to make some major changes in my life, ready to take some serious steps but still sorry no marriage involved. It's just that I've encountered many happenings that shaped my mind concerning marriage. I am convinced I am not a marriage type material. I no longer compromise you see, I don't sacrifice anything, I don't show my feelings that easily either. I think it's fair enough after seeing all those married couples around me and after being introduced to a very ugly face of betrayal & deception. I think it's flattery to have many admirers though :)

On a happier note, I believe now I am mature enough to be more independent, may be take my shot abroad. I hope I can make it, that can be one of my dreams coming true.

So sorry again I guess it will be a one girl's show for a while. I wish you happiness.

Living the moment

I am afraid I am not living my moment. I either look at the past much or hope for a better future. I should learn that to live is to enjoy the current moment. No use there in the past and the future won't be a breakthrough. I will live my moment from now on.

My Giant within

I've been reading "Awaken the Giant Within" for Anthony Robbins, it's a self-help type of books. I'm actually still in the first chapters.

It's all about how to create a lasting change through three steps:
1) Raise your standards
2) Change your limiting beliefs
3) Change your strategy

Wanting to change is not enough, it's the commitment that we all fail to keep. Now moving to a very important aspect: Emotional mastery, according to Robbins Virtually everything we do is to change the way we feel. Too many of us leave ourselves at the mercy of outside events over which we may have no control, failing to take charge of our emotion. I liked that part much.

I think I'll write more about that book as I read on.

The must have Regrets

The complex me continues to shine I guess. Am I right or wrong?
I’m wondering, but since many people gave me that comment on being complex then I must be one!

I no longer fight people wrong beliefs since I get really confused at times. Relocating the right beliefs is such a hard job indeed.

I witnessed so many people alter from being totally honest people into totally mischievous ones. But does it happen gradually or all of a sudden, it doesn’t matter. My point is many people fool themselves falsely into believing they are taking the right path, and it’s so easy to convince yourself by the way. At the end of that falsely taken road you have to see the right one, after you getting a good hit I guess.

When does regret fit in as a good thing to do?, regrets are always considered a waste of time but to me I see it as a stand point you need to recall things you were fooling yourself and yes regret it much so you won’t do the same mistake twice. If you haven't had any regrets yet, then you are still fooled.

I end this entry with this do3aa:
(اللهم ارنا الحق حقاً وارزقنا اتباعه وارنا الباطل باطلاً وارزقنا اجتنابه)

Happy Anniversary

Just marking today as a happy anniversary & looking back: life has made me a tougher person & it showed me that I've gained a lot.

الحمد لله رب العالمين

Sue-phisticated

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Reflecting Change

My inner self is changing, some changed to the best, some I'm not really sure.
One of the things I aspired to change was my acceptance for change and yes I did it.

I'm so proud of myself. It's not that I accepted change, I even search for it. Moreover, I spread that spirit within my team. I push them to see how change will help them feel delighted each day they go to work!!. It isn't easy specially when u deal with hard minded people, but I'm up for it :)

I just hope I can cause a change where I am & really help the people realize their hidden potentials, by being hard on them at times, very supportive at others. I want them to appreciate the working hours the team spends together, it's a tricky thing but we'll get there isA.

I just hope they won't hate me in the end..

Please show up hands

All those who think CSD people r freaks..Please show up hands..I know my hand is shot right up. If u r getting defensive now..I'll tell u why I see us IT developers as freaks:
-we have our own language & small terminology
-we always think we have a better way in reasoning things, always have an opinion on everything.
-we are way logic, suffocatingly analytical
-we like to see things in abstract form
-we like people to understand us fast with the least possible number of words, perhaps before we utter it!!
-we believe we can do better than anyone in his own field if we had the right mind to it
-we r a bit shy :)
-we probably don't have any activities other than developing, even if we do there's nothing better for us than a good PC with a good internet connection.
-we don't watch TV much, we think it's a waste of time but msn chatting is not.

I know the truth always hurts, but better be a freak who knows he is than in denial one :)

Microsoft WPF

I recently enjoyed the 5th MDC in cairo. Two sessions I enjoyed the most, one was about WPF the other was about Agile software development. So let me start by talking about the new framework: Microsoft's new framework 3.0 is about these four components:

WPF: Windows Presentation Foundation
WCF: Windows Communication Foundation
WF: WorkFlow
CardSpace: identity & login handling

I'll mainly talk about WPF some light talk. I'm trying to be more involved though.
You know that old textbox you've been using for the past 15 years, it has changed..yes!!. Everything is new in WPF. You can embed anything inside any control. For example you can make nested buttons. Images within a combo box. A list box showing live running videos and so on. Everything can integrate with anything.

What you need to start working with WPF is the .Net framework 3.0, Visual studio 2005, windows SDK and some extension for WPF
Or you can simply download Orcas (the new pre released Visual Studio having all the previous extensions integrated)
you can download everything you need, it's all under CTP (Community Technology Preview)

You can go wild with WPF, I also enjoyed the new designer "Microsoft Expression". Yeah and by the by, WPF is built on .Net framework 2 & DirectX for gaming area.

WPF is made for Vista but no complaints there, It can work fine with WinXP. Also there are virtual labs on MSDN if anyone is interested for some live trial. Lets think 3D desktop application, more rich web apps as well.

I Am She

For I am She who's weak
And I am She who's strong while trembling
I am She whose strength lies in her weakness
I am compassionate & I am cruel
I am pain & I am cure
I am She who lives mostly in her dreams
And outside She can't even breathe
I am incomprehensible & I am clear
I am She whom you can't hear
when She storms in fear
I am war & I am peace
I am vengeance & I am forgiveness
I have so many contradictions
I am everything in between
Except betrayal that's so mean
I am the breaking day beam shot up high
I am the night that breaks the well lit sky
I am contemporary & I am in memory
I am hope & I am hopeless
I live to cause a change & I am absolutely clueless
I am the happiest princess
Except there was no coronation
For I am She, the one you see
Walking by with a phony smile
Trying to hide the works of time
For I am She..The loss & the gain
Except there was no game